WHO KNOWS? A PASTORAL LETTER TO THOSE DISCOURAGED OR SILENT

June 4, 2022

Dear Darling Colleagues in Christ,

            “For such a time as this.“ Ether 4:14. The text is a favorite to inspire, but we too easily forget that Queen Esther questioned her ability to advocate for her people. Mordecai replied on behalf of God, “who knows?” He bravely wonders if she was lifted up specifically to speak in a difficult, impossible time. He wonders if she will speak, if anyone will speak. Our church tends to quote and find strength in the call to “such a time as this,” but we forget the doubt and uncertainty around questioning if anyone will speak. Who will speak? Who will continue leading a movement against racism now that all seems lost?

Lovely colleagues, I am sorry that I struggled to speak out as I heard your stories of fear and suffering. I was afraid too, afraid of “not staying in my lane” and becoming bolder for the sake of God. “Who knows?” Maybe God has a delicate touch on many today, asking who will speak? I feel I let you experience solitude that God promises does not exist. She is with you abundantly, and I am too. Racism is wrong, and we are called to repair and undo harm, even if harm seems ever-present and unavoidable in our broken world..

Today has been a heartbreaking day. My compassion is abundant for all people, and affectionately with those pursuing the voice of God to undo systemic oppressions. Thank you for allowing me to offer healing words amid difficult times. Thank you for sorting through complicated nuances and finding a way to communicate against racism. We are setting a divine trajectory toward where we will need to be ten years from today, so that God’s will can be fulfilled in our hands. Losing a vote, any vote, doesn’t mean God has departed from your side. God is with you; you were called to speak from the margin with the voices that fill the Gospel and your heart. This is your faithful work, leave the final decisions and outcomes to the reign of God. Today, the clouds break open and God says, “with you, I am well pleased.” Racism is wrong.

I have lived a lot of life in the last years; all of us have. Even while navigating new roles and identities, I’ve tried to act right, stay in my lane, and refrain from commenting on the missteps, blunders, and learning of others. But today, I have learned to love and accept myself, and I am now ready to share who I am and respond to my calling to speak in the ELCA. I am a neurodivergent transfeminine woman of an indigenous/ mixed-raced/ Latiné descent and experience; I am quirky, queer, and beautifully uengaged through God. In the ELCA, we are plagued by white supremacy and generational systems shaming us to “stay in our lane.” The lines and boundaries of our synods and regions matter for effective operation, but are barriers and fraudulent tools to keep us from speaking out about injustice everywhere. Racism and harm is not contained to geography and evil spreads fast. There is no lane to which you are confined or bound. There is no injustice that is outside of your jurisdiction. The issue of racism in our church has escalated to being far more important than any one person or position. We must face the fact that racist violence has been done against our Latiné siblings under guidance of current governing documents and structures. However, instead of self-justifying our actions as “constitutional” or “following protocols”, we must feel the deeper call to change. Our constitutions, bylaws, continuing resolutions, procedures, and protocols are reflections of our hearts. If they cause harm, we must change them.  We must address the defects that allow racism into our governing systems and harmful structures as expediently as possible. We must take action to alleviate the harm done to our Latiné siblings without forgetting the long history of our Black, African-descent, and Asian-descent siblings in the church. They have already struggled too long in vain. Racism is wrong.

I believe God is revealing that we are beyond a time of incremental change. I am afraid but centered that the way forward will be through big decisions and big changes. We must let God lead us to decisions we could have never made before. The ways forward that we have as models no longer work, and we are called to anticipate miracles and must lean into ways of loving that feel costly. We must find ways to change. In these times, it is hard to hear feedback and calls to resign when we have had the best intentions, but the Holy Spirit is saying, “no longer! Choose another way, my child.” To serve God as faithful leaders, we must find a way to integrate the words people share about our actions and the harm we have done. Amo a mi gente, queers, and transgendered peers; hope continues! The tomb is empty! New Life is near! Bishop Rohrer, resign.

Bishop Rohrer, resign and be excited by what God is revealing. Be excited to where God is calling you next. Racism is wrong. You are not at fault for racism existing, but you can be responsible for how you respond to your involvement. You are abundantly beloved and there is a perfect place that has been prepared for you to serve next. It is not the Bishop of Sierra Pacific Synod.

All our diversity and our unique identities should be celebrated and fully included in our church to enrich our shared experience of God and Gospel without prejudice. But even as a transgender person, I also must apologize and make right wounds when I have hurt others through racism, we all do. As a neurodivergent, person with a disability, I must also apologize when I am ageist, homophobic, or transphobic, we all do. As a person of Latiné descent, I must also apologize and repair when I am ableist, we all do. As people of diverse identity navigate a space in the church of being marginalized and victimized, we must also refrain from marginalizing others and being abusers. We all must apologize and be accountable, making amends when we align with systemic oppressions.   

Rostered leaders in the Sierra Pacific Synod expect miracles. I am serious! Look for abundance. You are engaging responsibly in spaces of despair, and God says, “Have Peace,” and “take off your sandals, you are already on holy ground.” I am amazed that God continues to be bigger than I could expect, I pray you can imagine with me. Thank you, thank you for acting in uncertainty. Racism is wrong.

We are all moving together, but for God’s work to come to fruition, we must all be moving, changing, and speaking truth to power like Esther. We must all be becoming better at countering racism and becoming truer versions of ourselves. Becoming is a great challenge, naming racism feels frightening, and maneuvering in our denominational structures seems impossible. But God is with us in our becoming. God sends you peace and comfort and courage to be bolder than we can ever imagine. God has prepared us for “such a time as this.”

Becoming,

Rev. Toni R.J. Castañeda Carrera, MPP (She, They)